Hobbies. Most everyone has at least one, some have more.
I’d like to think I have a hobby or several. In all my years I can tell you all the things that interest me, the things I have attempted, the things I want to learn more about. And yet, I cannot tell you for certainty what hobby/hobbies I have.
Aren’t hobbies suppose to be something (or things) you enjoy and are naturally good at?
Everytime I begin to pursue an interest that I feel I have a small natural ability (knack) for, I come across so many other people and friends that have the same interest or an even better knack for it and I become discouraged. Now, you might say it is wonderful to share an activity or interest with friends or so many people and yes, it is nice. I find that I do not get jealous (maybe a tad) but honestly I am proud to know my friends who can create and do these things with the talent they have. My main frustration is these friends get “known” for the talent and what they can do and I find myself wondering: “What am I ‘known‘ for?”.
It may seem selfish, petty, or superficial; but it really does stay with me and it does bother me. It affects me as well because I notice piles of things, from what feels like failed attempts, around the house. They seem to taunt me, saying that “You were not good enough in this”, ” Look at so-and-so, they were far better in this then you’ll ever be” , and “Why do you even bother?”. I understand that there will always be someone better at all whatever the hobby. I just seem to find them immediately when I begin to pursue and really into/excited about it. Do you know how frustrating that is?! Even after this happens over and over, I still have a longing for most of those failed attempts. I just do not know how to cope with it or what to do. It seems really stupid to want to be “known” for something and doing really well at it, but I would like that. I would like to find my niche.
I feel sometimes that I try to take on too much, but I cannot pick what is most important. To me, they are all equally important. Oh, and I should let you into a little secret…….., I absolutely suck at time management and organizational skills in my home. I can organize other places, my work, school, anywhere else with the exception of my house. I do not understand it at all. I am coming to the conclusion that it has to do with me not being able to differentiate between what things are important to keep and whats ok to let go. What if I get rid of a paper that would be a great keepsake for my kids? So, things pile up. When I get really overwhelmed by this, I treat myself to an episode or two of ‘Hoarders’ and I can be on top of things again for at least a week. Though my house is nowhere near as bad as those on that show, it feels like it to me. I just wish someone would some in, while I’m not home, and go through my stuff for me. I have found that if I go through it, I remember whats there. However, if someone were to do it, I know I wouldn’t miss the stuff tucked away; out of sight, out of mind.
Have you ever felt like this? If so, how did you deal with it? What helped you overcome and still pursue your interests?