I’m Busy……

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I feel know I start most posts with: “I know it’s been a while” or some lame thing like that. So, I am going to try not to do that. So, this is what I have been doing/going through:

 

I feel as though I haven’t been able to catch my breath in months.

I haven’t read more than one book in 2-3 months.

 

I have started school in pursuit of becoming a personal fitness trainer.

I have struggled with new knowledge of tracking your health by clothing size and the number the scale says is not the best. ( I will have to devote a post solely on that topic)

I have had many moments of panic, thanks to my hubby’s work, on trying to find last-minute child care for my kids. 

I have started putting out resumes and looking for a job in a gym so 1) I can gain work experience and 2) we really need some extra income.

I did a couple of weeks interning at a boot camp place. It was really nice.

I switched from day classes to night classes. Which, on its own, is a hard adjustment.

My class this term (kinesiology) is really kicking my butt and we are only a week in.

I don’t get to see my kids and husband at all some days.

Oh, and we barely made it through the holidays. Mainly because I have been so busy with school that I have not been ready for it. They all sneaked up on me this last year.

 

I have felt so overwhelmed and stressed with all of this. I cannot prevent getting in distress because I cannot tell what my signs are of it coming on. The base offers a free stress management workshop that I have signed up for in hopes it can help me. Being stressed does no good for me or my family. I have spent random days/times just crying for an hour or more. Not good! I do not like it.

I have tendency to let myself freak out over stuff that hasn’t happened or that I feel I cannot accomplish. Most recently, I have been offered a job as  personal fitness trainer, I am freaking out because I am already thinking of all the reasons I cannot do it. I know I have lots of learning, I am continually asking questions and learning what I can, I have everyone else telling me I can do this, and I am the only one telling myself why I cannot succeed before I even try. I am setting myself up defeat before I have really made an effort. I am constantly battling this with the job and school. I do not know why I do this. Sometimes I fall for it and give up or quit….., other times I get determined and make myself do it. I never know which one is going to happen. I am trying to fight it now.

I fully intended to start post everyday or at least several times a week, then an avalanche fell. I want to reach out to people, even if it is through my journey and struggles. But, how can I if I cannot find time to post it out there? Or have the courage to just write my struggles without fear of being judged, laughed at, made fun of, or criticized. I know some people will not understand or they will judge, I cannot help that, but I do not want it to stop me if I can reach those who need to hear that I have been there or I am going through it, too. 

I do not want my fears and “what ifs” to hold me back. If we all did that, we wouldn’t have some of the most wonderful ideas, books, stories, movies, and many other things that we do if those people let their fears hold them back. Right?

 

Now that it is the New Year, I know that there are resolutions that have been made and are being made. Mine is just simply going to be:

 

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What are your resolutions or changes you are striving to make this year?

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One thought on “I’m Busy……

  1. I am so glad you wrote today. You have been on my mind so much lately, and I pray for you daily. I, too, struggle with busyness, figuring what I can and cannot do, and when I can or cannot do it. Trying to navigate getting back into birth work without the kids being at a school program one day a week (thereby providing a natural childcare), organizing a new chore routine, finding time for the dearest girlfriends ever, finding time with Levi that involves more than just a movie…it’s all so much. So much.

    My heart and brain sometimes feel they will burst.

    I am so glad to see that you are going to take a stress management class – HUGE kudos to you for that. It takes a lot of guts to take the plunge and reach out the way that you are, and I’m inspired by you.

    I am finding more and more peace as I lean harder and harder on Jesus, and his ability to carry me. I still struggle, but I never feel quite alone any more.

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