I guess you can say I have been working on making this decision over the last year. Over the last two weeks it has come to fruition.
I have been overweight my whole life then I had 3 children that also came with weight gain. About two and a half years ago I made a change in my eating habits and activity level (I started working out) and through that I have lost just under 50 pounds and I am now at a healthy weight ad size and have been for the last two years. However all the weight and pregnancy has taken a toll on my body. I have quite a bit of excess skin and through breastfeeding, weight gain, & weight loss…, lets just say my boobs are not in good standing. So my husband and I began talking about surgery to fix these. I am at the point now that I have done everything through exercising that I can and there isn’t anything that will change my areas except for surgery.
I am and have been struggling with this. I am terrified of surgery. Surgery is a big deal, there are risks and it is not to be taken lightly. But, I also struggle with my body image since my weight loss. I know I should be proud of what I accomplished, but for whatever reason, I can’t appreciate it. As I have said there is nothing more I can do; I am at a fork in the road,I can go one way and live with how my body is now or I can go the other way and let a doctor fix what no one or nothing else can. I have tried for a year to go the way of just living with how my body is, being proud of how I got to where I am and have the marks to prove it. However, I can’t. When I have struggled with body image and weight my whole life, I feel like I should be able to wear a bikini (for the first time in my life since I was 3) and not feel self conscious anytime I have a roll, wondering if it is fat or extra skin and how it looks in my clothes. I even hope (by a long shot) that maybe I can eventually wear a silk dress. I won’t know for sure until the surgery is done but I want to be able to enjoy have a “hot body” for the first time in my life.
I also struggle with letting people know that I am getting these surgeries done. I feel that anytime you hear of someone having cosmetic surgery it is for shallow reasons and I never thought I would consider it. Now I know through the journey I am going through that it is not necessarily the case. But I still look down on myself for considering it and actually going through with it. No matter how I feel I know (for me and my struggles) that I have to do it…, it is the only option I have. I cannot live with the way my body is now. I am tearing my self down mentally and it sucks!
I wrote this post because I need to let it out. I This is an outlet for me and yes, I worry about who reads this (that knows me personally) and what they will think or say…, but I’ve been down every other avenue and they didn’t work out. So, please just think of me. This is a big decision and I have exhausted all other options, I don’t expect it to fix everything but I do hope that it will help.
Have you ever felt like this? What did you do? Did you have a great support system? Comment and let me know! I can use all the encouragement I can get.