Realization

I have come to realize a few things. Some I knew all along and I hide them away not wanting to admit or notice. I am a social person, I knew this and I admit willingly to this, but what I didn’t realize is that I use being social to avoid myself and feelings. Now if your reading this and you know me personally, you might disagree to this and some would even say that I am open with my feelings and emotions, that is not completely true. I don’t know how to just be. I can’t stand myself enough to be content in being alone with my thoughts, feelings…. and well just me.

Since I was little I have tried to please and be available for my family, friends, and those I wish to be accepted by. Now I am more comfortable being and doing what I want, though I still fall back into the pleasing pattern every now and then. I have started once more, though I hope I can stop before I get in too deep. I get overwhelmed by the expectations I allow others to expect of me and the amount of things I take on. At this time I would crumble under the stress and pressure, tell myself I won’t do this anymore, and vow to stop the cycle. I am currently at the crumbling phase and I am going to stop it!

I worry that I will miss out or loose friends by not being available and completely flexible but, I owe it to myself and my family to be selfish with my time. I don’t want my kids to get lost in the shuffle as one more thing I have to “do” or my husband to feel like I don’t see, cherish, and appreciate him. Those are THE most important people in my life.

I also have the tendency of taking on so many things that in the end I do not accomplish anything. So, I have decided to change how I think and go about things. I am not an expert in time management nor do I have “it all together” but I have some ideas that seem to make sense and through trial and error I hope to find what works best.

1) I am going to start by making a list of what I need to DO, examples include:
Getting our homeschool schedule laid out and sticking to it
Cleaning and making use of our space downstairs
Sorting through our piles of junk and simplifying

2) I plan on making a list of all those things I want to do, hobbies, etc and picking one, yes ONE to do this year so that I may actually complete the task.

3) I am going to limit the amount of time I am available to the internet and social opportunities and only focus on those that my family and I can benefit from without doing all of them. Yes, I will “miss out” on somethings but in the long run I will have a better interaction with my family.

4) I am going to teach myself how to be by myself and not go stir crazy. It will be a challenge and I do not have a specific idea as to how to carry this one out, but I’ll figure it out.

I know this post isn’t a huge thing to you but it is something I’m struggling with and I wanted to put it out there for those who can relate.

Have you struggled with any of these? If so, what helped you through? I am open to your suggestions.

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